When the superiors are away...

Dear Gentle Readers,

This will be short. I am tired. I stayed up too late last night. On our sabbath day, we do not have any chapel offices or Eucharist. I got up around 9.30am and had a leisurely morning. I left for downtown around 11am for a movie and some time outside. I am so glad that I brought my hat with me outside as it was a crispy, cold weather day that made walking outside glorious. It was a great day to be outside, the leaves were crunching under my feet, the wind was blowing softly, my hands were warm in my pockets, my ipod was transmitting my music and my ears and head were nice and toasty inside my hat! From an ex east coaster, I've been told that first the hats come out and then the gloves and after that the real winter coat. It felt good to be outside and to be alive and walking around.

I went and saw the new Charlize Theron movie called "North Country". I had told some members of my community about it and one said, "oh, you mean the movie where Charlize rubs some dirt on her face and says she's a coal miner?" And realistically, when you compare Charlize to the rest of her mining women, she sticks out like a sore thumb. Come on, her highlights were just perfect and the rest of the women were dowdy and looked realistic. Props out to Frances McDormand for another great role. She was my favorite in the movie, wouldn't ya know? While the movie was hard to watch at times due to what these women were fighting against, I was so grateful for what they accomplished. It made me think about that saying that says never doubt that a few people can change the world. I was imagining working in situations like these women and I don't think I could. These were some strong women. It was interesting how, during the movie, there were constant references to the Clarence Thomas and Anita Hill trial--another example of a strong woman standing up for herself and not covering up or excusing what some might term "big boys just being big boys" behavior.

As my title says, the superiors are away on their long retreat of 8 days. It's amazing how much more relaxed this place is and how some of the strictly enforced rules are not being enforced. Yesterday during the night prayer service, there was more noise than usual, people werent sitting up as straight, legs were crossed, books were shuffled around more. Behavior around here is like when a substitute takes over for a teacher. The talking in the hallways and the stairwells has increased and in general, it's a very relaxed environment right now. Yes, there is another sister who is termed the deputy in charge but she's so worried about a midterm due on thursday that she's not worrying about everyone's behavior. And let me reassure you, gentle readers, it's not the younger sisters who are instigating the lax behavior, it's the older ones. The two things missing this week are the convent cat and dog, everyone loves them.

I was talking to the raccoon today and thank God for friends when I need to vent! Raccoon and I usually talk on mondays. I was telling her that I feel as if I now am sinking even deeper into this experience and am becoming more centered and more introverted. The other postulant is afraid of silence and doesnt understand why I like to be quiet---because there's so much to learn from the silence. During this time here, I'm really nurturing my introvert and loving that process. What came to me when I was praying for patience with the other postulant who at times makes me want to scream was ---thank God that I am comfortable in my skin, a process that took a long time to happen. My time in AA and working the 12 steps have been one source of strength that I draw upon in times of trial here. I am so, so glad that I've had opportunities to look long and hard at myself and my defects and strengths. As a friend said, "when you've been rescued from the edge by God, it makes it easier to say "ok"when things are asked of you. " Thanks to that wise friend, who by the way, was lucky enough to have Jesus sleep over at her house or should I say, out in her van. :)

I had spritual direction this past weekend with the superior. When I vented to her about my experiences with the other postulant, I was asked, "what in this experience is your growing point? What is being communicated to you? Where are you being stretched and pushed beyond your comfort zone?" Good questions.

With those questions in mind, I'm off to bed.

Love,
Monk_1975